Early morning boredom

Hola. It's super fucking early! I'm up just chilling out and started thinking....I have a friend who likes to be friends and tries to pick up our dropped relationship when she so pleases...this really bothers me for many reasons. One reason is I hate on again, off again, friendships. Another reason is that she uses bullshit excuses for why she doesn't try to keep our relationship how it was. And somehow it's my fault. I've put in more than enough effort to try maintaining our friendship and it's failed each time. I wish I could tell her to go away, but there's a small child that I love with all my heart to keep in consideration and I dont wanna lose her from my life. Blah random thoughts and angry typing. kthxbai

Nonspecific undetailed coming out stuff.

Okay. Maybe I lied. I am thinking about some stuff. First things first, I am gay. Now realize how much time and thought went into that word and the statement itself. It took every fiber of my being to be able to say it out loud. Granted it was said to my empty bed room, but still. Admitting to my self that it was true was the hardest thing I've ever done. When I first realized it, I felt like I had been hit by a truck, square in the middle of my chest. It couldnt have happened at a worse time. It was the beginning of my 12th grade year and up until then everything was fine. I was hanging out with a friend and while we were sitting in her apartment, it hit me. Literally. This overwhelming feeling came over me and I didnt really know how to deal right away. I tried ignoring it but then in my attempts to sleep that night, I was forced to deal with it. I tried to rationalize it and try to make it seem like it wasn't real. But it was. At first, I thought I was bisexual, because that felt easier to deal with. However, I soon realized that I'm not interested in men. At all. But anyways, after that 'hit by a truck' moment, I felt super depressed. And soon after my realization of this fact, I told one of my best friends. And soon after, we got into a massive fight. Details of this aren't relevant and have nothing to do with my orientation. But we got over it, thank god, because to this day she's my biggest advocate and I love her for it. So in I think, April of 2011, I managed to snag my first kiss with a girl. It was the biggest thing at the time. I was so excited. But it went nowhere. Surprise, surprise. Fast forward to January 2012, Girlfriend #1. BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. Seriously. She was dangerously immature and it wasnt a good relationship. I've been single ever since. I dont know how to meet new girls and I wouldnt know what to do with one if I got one....Not important. So before October, I was only really out to my friends. And I suspected all along that my Mom knew, but I had never told her. So on national coming out day(cliche' i know) I wrote her a letter, cause I'm a big baby, and told her. That afternoon when I got up, she smacked me and then told me she loves me and always will no matter what. Best day of my life. We havent spoken about it since, but it's okay. Soooooooooooo I'm done talking about this for now. buh byes -Bri

Hello world

Hello everyone who cares enough to read this. I thought I should start putting my thoughts and things of that nature down on "paper" instead of keeping them stuck in my head. Im thinking it might be better. I dont know yet though. We'll see if it actually works. Im not really thinking of anything in particular at the moment so I'm just gonna post this little bit as a sort of opening statement type thing. Sooooooooooooo thanks for reading if you did. -Bri